The Art of . . . Confidence

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint", then by all means paint.  And that voice will be silenced. - Vincent Van Gogh

I remember when I hung my first canvases on the walls at Earthworks.  I had always been more of the crafty girl - never the creative.  And never on canvas.  But the more I watched and learned, the more my confidence grew.  Dewey took my first completed canvas and wouldn't let me hang it - he wanted to keep it for himself.  That was a nice confidence booster.  But when I sold my first canvas - to a "real" artist (it said so on his card!), I was a happy girl.

Sometimes, however, there's not time to gather exhortations from our loved ones or a somewhat adoring public.  At times, we need to have and exude instant confidence through a tough moment. it could be an irritated customer, a snooty artist, a mad husband (lol), a fuming boss.  It could be the fear of doing something new - giving your first presentation, performing on stage, or having someone ask you about a piece of art created by you! A few things I do when I'm faced with a new or stressful situation.

• Slow your breathing down.  When we get excited we tend to breathe faster and harder.  When we need our confidence not to be tempered with our emotions, slow that breathing down.  Your thoughts become clearer and your confidence shines through.  

• SMILE!  Yes, I swear.  Even if you force it at first, a smile will reflect through to others and then back on you again.  And who is not more confident than when people are smiling back at you.  
• Listen to music.  I always, always have music playing in the store.  Uplifting tunes, nostalgic melodies, quirky country songs (chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, SPIT) increase your level of happiness, and allow you to maintain your decorum when you need it.

Just a few thing that work in the moment for me.  

PL&BB-

Penni

The Art of . . . .Letting Go, A Few Words for the Parents of Grads

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.  - Kongzi

I didn't have a child graduating this year, unless you count lifeguard school.  But I have a few friends that have taken a day off work, raised a glass and cried a few tears at the Graduations of theirs and so as I looked at the pictures and listened to the speeches, it was natural to think about my own experiences at this milestone - as a parent. (Or as one college professor called me, a helicopter parent.  LOL.)

I wonder if the kids realize that our misty eyes and our crooked smiles are not just the pride we feel for them in having completed the requirements of growing up and securing that diploma.   I wonder if they realize that its what comes next is what brings us the bi-polarity of emotions that settle in the soul of a parent of a graduate.

I recall clearly when my eldest child graduated high school. It was 8 years ago.  To me, it felt like as soon as the party was over, we began in earnest getting her ready to go off to University.  I was a weepy mess half the time, and teeming with excitement the other half.  And before I knew it, we had packed the truck and set out on the 4 hour drive that would end in me leaving her.

That's my first caution to you parents - especially if its your eldest or only getting ready to leave the nest.  The summer will go by very fast.  Make sure you slow down a bit.  Don't get so caught up in the excitement of preparations  that you forget to just spend time with this young adult who now thinks they are sage and old. (until it's time for you to leave them wherever it is they are going).  I wish I had done that with her, then maybe I wouldn't have been such an emotional mess when the time came.  I cried the whole way home, and it was because I felt as though I hadn't talked with her enough.  I know, dramatic.  But its true, and she was my first "let go".  She had a blast in college, and is happily living on her own doing something she loves.  And guess what - she's still 4 hours away from me.  Go figure.

This leads right into my 2nd caution.  If you spend time with them, talking honestly you might learn that what you want for your child, and what your child wants are different.  My 2nd graduate taught me that 6 years ago.  As we began to make the preparations for college, she told me one day that she wasn't ready.  Not ready for college, and not ready to leave home.  And it was OK.  She signed up for classes at NOVA, worked full time, and volunteered at church.  Today, she holds no degree but is happily married to an amazing young man and giving me grandchildren!  She made the choices right for her.  If she hadn't been confident that I would listen and hear, she may have gone to university and been miserable (for me) and not thriving on the beautiful path she chose.  When I let her go, it was more of a hand-off to a man I trusted completely.  haha.

What I learned from my 3rd graduate (having commenced just one year ago),and my third bit of advice for you is this.  They can do it - all of it.  Don't make an inquiry.  Don't sign a form.  Don't fill out the apps.  Don't do their FAFSA. Don't micro-manage their planning past high school. Don't pay their car insurance.  Don't pay their phone bills.  

With my oldest girls, I always tried to do everything for them.  Part control freak wanting it to be perfectly done the first time, and part wanting to make it easier for them.  This didn't serve them well.  With daughter number three, I advised and supervised and sat back and watched (sometimes to her frustration as she remembered me doing everything for her sisters!).  She did all the work, and worked hard.  And it worked out beautifully for her.  She's armed with some skills that identified her early on at her college as a leader, and she is thriving, blossoming and exceeding beyond my imagination.  I doubt it would be the same if I had done all the leg work for her.   I know it's hard - but if you haven't done it yet now is the time to let them start doing for themselves.

 What will I learn next year, when my baby graduates?  The way I feel about it right now is that I will probably be back here in a year telling you that I regressed back to the emotional blob that was the Mom of Graduate #1.  But I think this is more because his heart is calling him to joined the USMC and less because I  understand I have to let go of the child and embrace the adult.

Now, if I couldn't drop a kid off 4 hours away without crying for 24 consecutive hours and building a shrine in her room, what will become of me when it;s time to drop my only son at boot-camp?

Maybe ya'll can give me some advice over the course of the next year.  The point is:  whether we are the parent or the grad, we find that life is in learning.  And we will always be learning , because life is an ever changing adventure!

Good luck to us all.

PL&BB-

Penni

Shame on Me!

I couldn't believe it when I realized I hadn't written a single blog post in a month.  I started out today thinking it was just a few days, and my intention was to write a short honor post for my Mom.

Today is her 64th birthday, and this year more than many past I am grateful for her. Thinking of her this morning was almost overwhelming to the point of tears.  I just wanted to be with her, and was pretty sad that I couldn't be (she lives in Georgia, you see).

 And I realized pretty quickly my lethargy in writing recently along with being creative (both at home and at work), household chores and simple communications with those I love have been a direct result of lingering grief after the passing of my Dad.  Today, I'll accept that.  I can't ignore it, but if I acknowledge it perhaps I can work through it and still be as productive as I ought to be.

And more than that, today I will celebrate that my 64 years young Mom is having another birthday, and be happy that I could talk to her (instead of pouty because I can't sit and knit with her).  And I'll remember my Dad with a smile on my face (even if there's still a tear in my eye).

Luv Ur Mother -

Penni